I have been in this profession for a while now, like 14ish years. Part of what keeps me interested in what I do as a therapist is the complexity of the human brain. Let me be clear, my knowledge around neuroscience is limited. I took a class in college, didn’t do too great at it. I had a hard time remembering the name of neurotransmitters and what does what. But I digress, when thinking about all the things that your brain does its fascinating. From eating to completing a task to falling in love, making your body function automatically (breathing, your heart beating, etc.). The brain has a very important role, it’s the command center of the human body. It has the ability to change the world, with ideas and perspectives. It has the ability to completely debilitate us, I think of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and Dementia, all diseases where the brain is under attack.
My focus, both professionally and for this post, is on the cognitive components of the brain. And by this, I mean thoughts. I did a quick google search of the word thoughts, this is what turned up “an idea or opinion produced by thinking or occurring suddenly in the mind”; “the process of using your mind to consider something”; “the act of thinking about something to form ideas or opinions about something”. I would add that thoughts are usually the result of the information that you gain from the world around you. When we are younger our thoughts are simpler, largely because as children we don’t have many life experiences yet. As we get older our life experiences influence and have an impact on our thoughts and how we think. For example, if you are someone who has experience a lot of success and maybe somethings come fairly easier for you whether it be due to your socioeconomic status maybe your natural abilities to understand certain concepts. Whatever it is, if you recognize your successes the way you think is going to be skewed in that way. Just like if you have experienced rejection, failures, abuse, neglect your thoughts and how you think are greatly impacted through that. What is really important, and one of the main take aways for this article, are thoughts aren’t necessarily facts. Our thoughts can be skewed adjusted and changed, making them less objective than what people are wanting to admit, me included. I take pride in the work that I do with my clients, and I think I am an objective person. I also recognize that my view of a client is influenced by my life experiences. I think essentially people want to be good and do good things. I think that is based off my life experiences. I also think (and know) there are also people who don’t do good things.
How can we be aware of our thoughts while not feeding into them to the point where we are stuck or rigid? We have to find balance in life. For me, and perhaps some of you as well, I have to find the balance between work and my personal life. I have to find the balance between being a support and helper to my children and letting them do things on their own. It’s about balance and our thoughts or no different.
If the goal is balance we have to be aware that the unexpected, specifically the negative unexpected things, can happen. That doesn’t mean we focus on those negatives just notice they exist. In terms of our thoughts, especially the negative aspect of it, we are more likely to believe negative thoughts we have, then positive thoughts. I believe we do this because we are trying to prepare ourselves so that we are not caught off guard or disappointed. So how do we find that balance between the negative and positive thoughts.
When it comes to our thoughts we need to ask ourselves questions when thoughts pop into our heads:
Is this thought true?
Is there evidence of this thought in the world outside of yourself. For example, if you have the thought “I can’t do anything right.” I am going to go out on limb and say there might be some things you may not get right but plenty of things that you do get right.
What generated this thought?
What about your current environment or situation made you think this thought? Are you experiencing a lot of stress? Are you going through a challenging life event? If we can pinpoint a possible reason or source for a thought, it will help us avoid spiraling into negativity.
The more we are aware of our thoughts and what comes to our brains the better. Doing so gives us the opportunity to figure out if the thought we are having is something that needs our attention or not. This is also known as mindfulness.
Many years ago I was working with another therapist as a consultant on a case I had. They shared my client could benefit from mindfulness. I asked for their help on the best way to explain or introduce the idea of mindfulness to my client (at this time I was still a fairly green therapist). They gave the greatest example and I want to pass that along to you.
I want to you take a moment to set a timer on your phone for 30-45 seconds. In that time the only thing I want you to think about is penguins and nothing else, just penguins. If your mind strays and wants to think about something else, you gently bring it back to penguins. Alright now that yo have done that, I’m assuming positive intent that you did the exercise. I want you to take a minute and reflect on if it was easy to focus on penguins or was it hard. It might be somewhere in the middle.
We are going to do this again take a moment to set 30-45 seconds on your timer. This time you can think about absolutely anything, expect penguins. Which one was easier? Was it easier to think of only penguins or think of anything but penguins. The goal is to be aware of your thoughts without judgement. Approach the thoughts that come to your mind with curiosity as opposed to criticism. Your ability to manage stressful situations starts with managing your thoughts.
I know you just read through this whole article. Your brain may be throbbing right now. So here are the main take aways, to carry with you through the rest of your day:
- Definition of thoughts “an idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind” ; “the process of using your mind to consider something”; “the act of thinking about something to form ideas or opinions about something”. I would add that thoughts usually result based off of the information that you gain from the world around you.
- The goal is balance. Balancing out negative thoughts with positive thoughts. And if positive feels to big of a jump go with neutral thoughts.
- Negative thoughts look something like this “I’m never going to get this.” Or “What’s the point, I’m just going to fail.”
- Neutral thoughts look something like this “I’m going to try.” Or “I’m going to see how this goes”
- Positive thoughts look like “I’m going to crush this.” Or “I can do this!”
- Mindfulness can help with building awareness of your thoughts-think of the penguin exercise.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, as I’m just trying to offer a few words of wisdom in a complex world. I hope you found it helpful. I offer individual therapy services to help you in this journey called life. If you would like to set up a time to chat my contact information is below.
Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT
jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com
Peace & Grace Therapeutic Services, LLC 
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